


'Chee and Eds

by kio_kio



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic Myra Kaspbrak, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Clown Induced Amnesia, During the 27 Years (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Cheats on Myra Kaspbrak, First Time, Fluff, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Internalized Homophobia, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Myra Kaspbrak is Awesome, Myra Kaspbrak is an amazing beard, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Richie Tozier Has a Big Dick, Smut, Top Richie Tozier, but - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27760873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kio_kio/pseuds/kio_kio
Summary: As she walked toward ‘their’ bedroom, she slipped a piece of paper into his pocket.“I might even sleep in until tomorrow afternoon! So, don’t wake me up until then!”It was a flyer for a gay bar 2 stations away, with a hand written message.Have fun celebrating in your own way!Love,MyraOr, how two men end up having a long secretive relationship that go on for almost 2 decades.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Myra Kaspbrak, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	1. 21    January, 1998

How could you have been in a relationship with someone for so many years, yet know so little about them?

_21 1998 January_

He was finally in New York, living away from his mother, and finally going to the school he actually wanted to go to. It took him so much sweet talking and doing everything she asked for, but finally he was out of her house.   
He felt bad that the ultimate reason that he was allowed to go was thanks to Myra ‘consequently’ transferring to a nursing school in New York.  
When his mother found out about that, her attitude had changed 180 degrees. 

“Of course you’re going to New York. You can’t let your future wife live in the big city alone!”

That afternoon he had dropped his mother at the airport. He tried his best to hold back a disgusted face when his mother had stated that she really wouldn’t mind finding out she was going to be a grandmother when they would come to visit her for summer break. He’s done so much already to keep her happy, wasn’t it all enough?

As they got back to their apartment, he offered to take her out for a celebration. Although he’d been legally allowed to drink for about a month, now that his mother was out of their hair, he could actually drink.  
But she shook her head and patted him on the back.

“I think I’m going to get some extra sleep.” Myra pretended to yawn. “With all the moving and cleaning, I’m tired.”  
As she walked toward ‘their’ bedroom, she slipped a piece of paper into his pocket.  
“I might even sleep in until tomorrow afternoon! So, don’t wake me up until then!”

It was a flyer for a gay bar 2 stations away, with a hand written message.

_Have fun celebrating in your own way!_  
_Love,_  
_Myra_

  
  
  


It wasn’t his first time at this bar. Hell, ever since he’d turned 21 and they had finally allowed him inside the bar during business hours, he’d grab a drink at least once a week.  
But it’s a new year and he’s been 21 for almost 10 months. So, why hasn’t he gotten laid yet?  
He expected to have lost his virginity by now. All his friends and coworkers around his age have, or at least claimed to have.   
And, with all the dick jokes he makes, he expected everyone around him to think he has too.

Good. Perfect. 

In reality, he wanted to have fallen in love with a person, go on a romantic date, whoo the person, then take them to bed. He wanted that first time to be meaningful. Not just for the sake of feeling good physically. He wanted to feel fulfilled.  
But when his 21st birthday loomed in front of him, he stopped expecting that to happen.   
He had tried relationships. First even tried to have something happen with women, then he gave in and tired to have relationships with other men. But within less than 2 months into any relationship, he knew they weren’t the person. It wasn’t a lack of trying either. He did try to emotionally invest, especially when he couldn’t invest in the relationship financially. But, somehow, it always just didn’t work.

So as soon as he turned 21, he aimed to find someone to throw his virginity away to.

Unfortunately for him, it also wasn’t as easy as he thought.  
Once again, it wasn’t a lack of trying or lack of interest. He’d buy a drink for someone once in a while, and on other occasions, a guy would buy him drinks. Sometimes they’d talk a bit at the bar. Maybe even drag or be dragged to the dark corner behind the bar, taste the liquor that was left in each others’ mouths.  
But, one way or another, it’d never go any further than that.  
The other guy would either just walk away, or he himself would feel like there was nothing left to do with that person.  
There was always frustration because he’d almost always be hard as a rock. However, to be truly honest, he was always not as disappointed as he thought he should be.

“Am I doomed to die a virgin?” He laughed into his drink.

For some reason, the creak of the door sounded louder than usual.  
He put his drink down on the bar counter and looked up.

Pushing the door, he entered.   
He knew there were dozens of other men sitting, standing, drinking.

Yet, as soon as the door no longer obstructed his view, all his eyes could do was meet a pair of blue eyes.  
He knew there were other sounds, but all he could hear was his own heart beat.  
He held his breath as he walked straight toward him. It was like he was floating on air, like being pulled in by an invisible string.

As he was two steps away from the other man, their eyes still glued to each other, he felt the haze lift. It was as if he could see, hear, smell, _feel,_ feel anything for the first time in a very long time.

“Is . . . is this seat taken?”

“Yes! No, I mean, NO. No, this here, this here seat is not taken!”  
He couldn’t help but laugh at the stranger. From the bottom of his heart. He couldn’t remember when the last time he had laughed this sincerely, but it felt so good.

“Thanks-” He tried to control his laughter. “I’ll take this _here seat_ , then.” 

“So, uh, you come here often?”  
He holds his hand over his mouth to try and stop from laughing again.

“Jeez. Never thought I’d hear that pick-up line be used in real life!”

“It’s not a pick-up line! I’m serious! Like, I come here pretty often, so, yeah. I’ve never seen you here, so I was genuinely curious!”

“Ok ok. And, no, this is my first time, so I don’t ‘come here often’. This is actually my first time coming to a bar to have a drink, to be honest.”

“Oh! Your birthday? Here to celebrate your birthday?” The stranger lifted an eyebrow.

“Naw. Just been living with my mother up until now, today, actually. Finally I can go to a bar.” 

“Well, in that case, even more reason to celebrate!” Giving him a goofy grin, the stranger waved to the bartender. “Yo! Yo, Matty! Get us some shots!”

He felt so giddy inside. He expected the excitement to be from finally being able to legally and freely throw back some shots, however it was really coming from knowing that he would be taking shots with his other man.  
He never thought he had a type. But looking at this man, dark unruly hair, broad shoulders, big hands, sharp cheekbones. . .They had been only talking for maybe 2 minutes, but he knew he wanted to be with no other man in the room, but him.

  
  


“What brings you to New York?”

“The official story is that my girlfriend transferred schools, so I had to follow her.”

“Oh.” He felt his insides drop. His stomach, his heart, everything.  
Why was he feeling this disappointed? This is just another hot stranger.  
So why did he feel like he was 3 seconds away from tears forming at the corners of his eyes?

“Don’t worry, that’s not the real story.” The other man smiled. “The real story is that I wanted to come to New York for school, but wasn’t allowed to go on my own. So my best friend, who everyone thinks is my girlfriend, transferred to a school here, and now my mother allowed me to also transfer schools.”

“Your mom sounds like a pain in the ass.” He made a loud sigh. “Maybe I should screw her long and hard to loosen her up enough to let you even live in another country.”

“Shut the fuck-up, dickwad!” The shorter man’s face scrunched up into an adorable frown.

“Maybe THAT’S what your mom needs, a wad of dicks!”   
They both broke out in laughter.   
Yes, he was a stand-up comedian, so of course it was part of his job description to make people laugh. Yet, he doesn’t remember the last time he was this sincerely happy to make one single person laugh, let alone this happy to be laughing together with them. It was far from his best joke, but he didn’t care. All he could care about was riling up this man in front of him, making him laugh, making him _feel_.

  
  


It had only felt like a few minutes, but according to the clock on the wall, it had been a few hours. They had talked about absolutely nothing important, just whatever was on the news lately or weird foods they’d seen selling at the supermarket recently. Just absolutely nothing of importance. It should’ve felt like the most boring conversation he’d ever had, but their conversation flowed ever so smoothly and comfortably.

After the shots that the other had gotten them for the ‘celebration’, collectively they had had maybe 3 beers. He felt the light buzz from it all, but no courage that people claimed to receive from drinking liquor.   
He squirmed a bit in his seat. His eyes couldn’t help but linger to the other man’s long fingers. It was hard not to think about those long fingers teasing his entrance, scissoring him open, reaching for that spot that makes him gasp. He always had a problem with reaching it with his own fingers. He willed his blood to stop rushing downwards as he tried to look up and away from those fingers.

Looking up he was met with the dark wanting eyes of the others.

He felt his breath get stuck in his throat, wishing he could say something, anything.  
Something that would make this night never end.  
Something that would take them to somewhere they could be alone.

“It’s getting late. We’d better get out of here.”

“Uh-” He felt his heart clench. “Yeah. Of course. Lemme just go pay for the drinks. The-the trains, the subway, aren’t moving anymore, I missed the last one home. And, I honestly don’t think I can walk home, I really should’ve brought my map with me. I guess my best bet of getting home is getting a cab. I at least memorized my address and street name and the name of the cafe across the street. So the cab driver shou-”

He gasped as chapped but soft lips touched his.

“Sorry. You’re too adorable when you get all riled up and talk so fast. It makes me want to kiss you every time.”

“Please-” He felt his heart clench harder. “Please don’t make fun of me like this, I-” He whispered softly.

“Trust me, I ain’t teasing you. Been wanting to do that for a _long time_.” He felt those strong hands gently sliding up his biceps. 

He finally felt the courage he was wishing for.

“I don’t want to go home.” He leaned in so their lips were less than an inch apart. “Will you take me back to your place?”

“Fuck, yes.” He felt himself melt in relief as he felt those lips planted on him once again.

He flinched backwards as someone loudly cleared their throat from behind the bar.

“Oh, hey Matty. Uh, how much’s our tab?”  
The bartender sighed and crossed his arms. He was an old man with a light gray beard, balding head, eyes so green that it almost didn’t look human.

“Just get out of here, ‘Chee. I’ll put it on your tab.”

“No! Please let me pay, at least for this beer I’ve been drinking!” He motioned to the beer on the counter that had been two sips away from done for at least the past half hour.

“It’ll be cheaper if it’s on his tab.” The old man made a shooing motion with his hand. “So, just get out of here before you two start humping each other on the bar.”

He felt his face turn red from embarrassment.

“OK! OK, we’ll be on our way then!” He felt the arms be wrapped around his shoulders.

“Just be back before noon. Got it, ‘Chee?”

“Yes! Yes, Matty, see you tomorrow!”

Before he knew it, they were walking out the door.

“So, ‘Chee?” He giggled. 

“Yeah.” He looked up to a heart warming goofy grin. “Everyone around _here_ calls me that. It was actually Matty that started when I first came to New York.”

“Cute nickname.” He smiled back.

“Not as cute as you.” He giggled more as ‘Chee’s finger prodded his stomach. “So, what am I to call you, sweet cheeks?” 

“Just call me-”   
He stopped himself. He wanted so badly to tell this man his name, to be totally open and vulnerable to this man. Still, the rational side of him could not. How long has he known this man? He bit his lips and tried to not give into temptations.

He blurted out the first name that came to mind.

“Just call me Eds.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies!!
> 
> This story came to life because of two things I wanted: a Myra Kaspbrak that was awesome and Reddie to have a long established relationship.  
> I've got everything mapped out for the next 7 chapters, but have only written this chapter and half of the next? So let's see how long this fic ends up being and how long it'll take me to finish! 
> 
> Anyways!  
> [Please find me on Twitter!](https://twitter.com/LazyBilingual)  
> I really REALLY want people to talk to about Reddie and how hawt Bill Hader is, but everyone around me on Twitter (and irl) are all "stfu about your clown movie and that gaijin guy that you love." hehe


	2. 21 January, 1998

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut that is so fluffy.  
> That’s really all this chapter is.

They got to the alleyway behind the bar. He physically felt the smaller one tense.  
“No, I’m not taking you to some dark alley for quick fuck.” He couldn’t hold back a chuckle as he heard a soft sigh. “This is where I live.” He pointed at the stairway leading to the 2nd floor above the bar.

“Oh.”

“I mean, if that’s what you want. By all means, pull down your pants and call me Sir. I’d be totally down for whatever you want.”

“Would you shut-it, fuckface? That’s not what I want!”

“Then what is it that you want?”  
He heard a tiny mumble.  
“Hmmmm~? Can’t hear you~?” 

“I said . . . I want it to be . . . on a bed. Or, at least maybe a sofa . . .”

“Your wish is my command!” He playfully kissed his forehead.  
  
Still trying to keep his arms around the other, they clumsily climbed the stairs and tumbled into his apartment.  
It was around the size of the bar downstairs, so quite a large open space for one person to live. However, a fourth of the space was filled with stacks of boxes and cases.  
“It used to be a storage space, but Matty lets me live here, as long as I go clean the bar everyday when it closes, and carry the extra boxes of snacks and booze up here when it gets delivered.” 

“Wow. That’s an amazing bargain.” The shorter one sounded genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, well, it _would_ be amazing if it wasn’t for all the barf I’d have to scrape off the floor sometimes-”

“EW!”

“-and not to mention the alleyway sometimes. The piss and shit that’s-”

“That’s fucking-”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fucking greywater-”

“Huh?” 

“What?”  
For a second he was confused.  
It had just fell out of his mouth out of nowhere, like he knew what the other was going to say. 

Instead of thinking too deeply, he cleared his throat.

“I should stop talking dirty to ya, you might just cum even before I even touch you.” He cards his fingers though the silky brown hair, slightly cold to the touch from the cold winter air of New York. He slides his hand down to hold the back of the others' head. 

“Not with that hideous sweater I’m not-” He was pulled forward by the shorter man tugging his collar. Their lips slotted against each other. “It looks like a Muppet’s carcass.” 

He giggled as he softly sucked at the smaller man’s bottom lip.

“Yet you still want to suck my tongue.” He states in his best Elmo voice.

“Naw. Looks more like Animal, not Elmo.” He’s told in a matter-of-fact voice.

“Well, then let me strip you down like the Animal I am.” 

“That makes no sense.”

“But will you still let me?”

“Just get that Muppet skin off of you, you shit-head.” 

“Fine! Jeez, it’s like the warmest piece of clothing I own, OK?” He starts to pull it off in a hurry, but feels an unforgiving pull in the wrong direction.   
He curses under his breath.  
His glasses were caught, and probably his hair. If you pulled the wrong direction, he knew he was either going to lose hair, break his glasses, or ripe his sweater.  
“Uh- Just gi’me a second! I’ll be- I’ll be out of this, just-” He heard some rustling from the other side of the sweater. “Just- just please don’t leave? I swear, I do this all the time!” 

He heard an adorable giggle.

Finally getting the offending sweater off of himself, he throws it somewhere towards the pile of beer boxes. Picking up his glasses that he had dropped in the process, he puts them back on, and turns around.

He feels like his jaw was going to fall all the way down to the bar’s basement.

There, on his mattress he calls a bed, was simply every one of his wet dreams he could remember come to life.  
The other man had his chest on the mattress, up on his knees, legs slightly spread. He was holding his two perfect globes apart, making his pink pucker oozing clear liquid very visible.

“I-I’m ready when you are.” He felt his heart skip a beat hearing the timidness in the voice that didn’t sound like it was coming from the same person who was doing something so bold.   
It made him so badly want to hold the beautiful person in front of him, but at the same time made him want to quite literally dive in.

“You came prepared?” Hesitantly he touched the others' wrists.   
He felt and saw the other one shiver.

“I . . . I-I’ve _heard_ that, um, the first time’s always painful-. . .painful and uncomfortable. So, preparation . . .” 

All ideas of diving right in flew out the window.

“Don’t worry, gonna make sure we’re both properly prepped-” His large hands firmly held the slender wrist and pulled. The smaller one let out a small yelp as he landed backward into his chest. “-We both don’t wanna get hurt or be uncomfortable, do we?”

“Wha-Why-” He put his lips on the soft neck, wanting so badly to mark every inch of the flawless skin with red and purple marks. 

“It may take more time than you expected, even with how much you’ve come prepped.” He rubbed his clothed erection against the other. 

The shorter one moaned and unconsciously grinded backwards.

He found himself on his back, squirming a bit as he felt more lube trickle out of himself. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the vision in front of him. It was impossible to not lick his lips as he saw something better than anything he had ever imagined or ever seen in magazines  
Dark curls framing the sharp face, large glasses slipping slightly from his nose from the sweat. The ugly sweater gone, leaving a broad, expansive field of skin and chest hair, slowly moving as the bigger man breathed. 

Belt unbuckled, jeans and boxers pulled down mid-thigh.

Dark harry arms connected to large palms and those long thick fingers, slowly stroking a length at least 7 inches long. Maybe even 8? 9? Not to mention the girth. He knew he himself had skinny wrists, but it looked like it was as thick as his own wrists. Beads of pre-cum leaking from the slit of the plump red head. He felt the inside of his throat burn from just imagining it intruding his airway.  
His mouth watered, he had to stop himself from drooling when their eyes met.

Blue hardly left in the eyes of the other. He could hear his own heart beat as the larger man slowly leaned forward.   
The mattress dipped. The others' body was over his, almost caging him. It felt as if he was being protected. Safe. Yet excited from the anticipation.

He could now hear both of their breaths. Short, but deep and desperate. 

“Please-” he breathed out.  
He was answered by the soft but chapped lips grazing down his neck and the sudden sensation of the other man’s throbbing member rubbing against his. 

“Feel that?” Those lips found their way back up, and were now on his left ear lobe. “All for you. Aching to get inside of you.” He couldn’t help but buck forward. 

Wanting. 

No.  
Needing the other man’s skin against him. 

“Need, you.” He couldn’t help but be honest.

“Anything for you, Eds.”

A gasp left his throat as the first finger breached him. 

“Mmmmm. . . . so lovely.”   
He had no time to take another breath, as he felt the rough texture of a tongue lap at his right nipple.  
It was already too much. Even if he had taken a good part of an hour with his fingers and lube to prepare himself, he already felt full with just one of the other man’s thick fingers.   
His own length pulsed, and it was embarrassing how much pre-cum started to dribble down onto his stomach.  
It was overwhelming, too much. But so far from enough.

“So good for me. So beautiful-” Those plump lips migrated down. “Can I-?”   
His voice was suddenly timid.   
He looked down. The other man’s lips hungrily stopped over his weeping head. 

“Anything. I want. Anything.” He couldn’t form a sentence. “Anything you give.”  
He stuttered and his eyes slammed shut. He felt his entire body on the edge. Wetness and roughness hit his cock. He let out a moan when he felt his entire length be swallowed.

“N-no! Stop-p-please. I-I’m gonna-” He tried to pull the other man’s hair, trying to make him get off. However, that seemed to cause the opposite effect, as the other sucked harder and hummed in pleasure around his cock.  
He came, moaning and feeling his whole body tremble.

“wH-, Why. Why did you, didn’t you stop?” He panted out.

“Mmmmm.” The other man looked at him, licking his lips. “To loosen you up. Dunno if you noticed but-”  
He let out a gasp of pleasure and surprise, feeling two fingers scissoring him open, with already a third grazing at his rim. 

“You’re still hella tight. But, at least now your rock hard ass muscles won’t rip off my fingers.”   
He giggled. As over sensitive as he was from the release, he felt so warm. So cared for. 

“Please, prep me good. I want to be ready for you, ‘Chee.” 

“You don’t have to tell me twice.”   
He even felt the nerves of his toes twitch as the taller man’s ring finger entered him and a finger had pushed against his prostate. 

“I-I want you, now.” He blurted out. Although he had only cum moments ago, he was already feeling himself getting hard so quickly. Feeling the other man lightly rock against his legs, feeling thick pre-cum dripping and tangling to his leg hair, his whole body was being filled with anticipation.

“The last thing I want is to hurt you . . . “ It was no louder than a whisper. 

“I know.” It made no sense. Yet, he knew. “And you won’t. And I want you now” He carded his fingers through the longer dark hair, and pulled the other into a searing kiss. Rocking his hips, he tried to get those long fingers into him deeper, to show how ready he is.

“Ok-just-” The taller one pulled away and reached behind the pillow he was laying on. “Just let me-”

He saw the bottle of lube and an unopened box of condoms.  
All moving brain cells screamed no, but every other cell in his body said yes.

“When was your last STD check-up?” He looked away from the other man’s eyes.

“Uh . . . last week, actually.”

“Oh, and-”

“Yesterday. I got the results yesterday.” He heard a nervous chuckle, so he looked back up to those dark eyes. “Matty has volunteer nurses come to the bar every month for free STD tests, and stuff . . . It’s like one of his rules for anyone that works for him? And, I’m not paid, but I kinda work for him, so yeah . . .” The taller one averted his eyes.  
He felt brave, brave enough to do what he wanted. He grabbed the box of condoms away from the other, and threw it to the farthest corner of the room. 

“E-Eds?” The other sounded at his limits, yet trying so hard to hold back.

“Fuck me.” He felt his face slowly turn into a sly grin. He gently kissed the side of the other man’s lips. “Don’t hold back.” He whispers.   
He saw hunger all over the others' face. 

Then, it all happened in a flash.  
One leg was hoisted over the taller man’s shoulder, and his wrists were held down over his head. His head fell back, and his back arched as he felt the air be knocked out of him. 

In one, single, perfect motion, he was filled.

He had no chance to adjust as the taller man pulled out completely, and pounded back in, hitting his prostate. 

In any other situation, he would be so ashamed of all the sounds he was making, but there was no space for embarrassment. His hole, his prostate, he was being drilled into at a relentless pace.   
The large mouth latched onto his neck. Stubble tickling, teeth scraping sensitive skin, making him wish to be marked up all over his body.

“Eds . . . so tight-” A low moan vibrated against his skin.”So, so good . . . fuck . . .”  
He didn’t know how, but he felt the other grow bigger within him.  
“Always . . . Always wanted . . .” 

“Oh, God. ‘Chee-” He gasped. “Please, ‘Chee. ‘Chee-. . . 'Chee-. . .R-Ri-” His voice got stuck in his throat.

He feels something within him. Something missing, being filled. 

“Wanted . . . Always . . .”

“R-Ri . . . Gonna-” He felt his stomach twisting. “Gonna cum-”

“Me too-” The taller man gasped. “Go-gonna, pull out-”

“Nu-no!!” He used the leg that wasn’t hooked onto the others' shoulder, and wrapped it around the other man’s waist. “Don’t. Leave.” He panted out, “Want you . . .’Chee . . .” 

“Of course.” 

They both moaned simultaneously as they both came within microseconds of each other.  
He doesn’t remember what he moaned, nor could he remember what the other man had screamed. But every corner of his mind, body, and soul felt fulfilled, for one second _everything_ was white.

Still slowly waking up from the high, he felt himself be filled by the others' cum, while still feeling his prostate being delightfully attacked by the pulsing cock inside of him.   
“Mmmm . . .” he closed his eyes again, enjoying the sensation of being so full.

“Good?” The other man panted into his ears.

“Mhmmm . . . so good . . .” He slowly rocked his hips. 

“God . . Eds-” He felt the larger body shiver. “If you keep doing that, I’m just gonna keep going.”

He felt the member, flaccid inside of him, slightly harden. 

“Maybe that’s what I want.” He moaned as the other started to rock with him.

“You like being filled?”

“Yes.” He panted out. He wanted more. More. More. More.

“Filled with cum? Filled by a big cock?”

“Yes. Wanna be filled up. By you.” 

  
  
  


He basks in the sun that falls through the crappy curtains that have been hanging on the windows since he started to live here. Feeling the body in his arms slightly move, he slowly opened his eyes.

“Hey.” The doe eyes look back at him

“Hey, yourself.” He smiles. 

He leans in and kisses the other’s forehead.

Everything feels so warm. So perfect.

_God, I wish this moment would never end._

“What time is it?”  
He feels his heart clench.

“Uh-” He grabs his glasses and looks at the VCR player. “Not even 8. Do you need to, um, be somewhere?”

“Naw.” He couldn’t help but break out into a grin.

“Then, can we get some more sleep?” He squeezed the smaller man. “Cause I don’t have to be up until noon to go down stairs . . . please?”

“Nope. Sleeping in would fuck-up with my sleep schedule.”

“Oh, come on! Just a weeee lil’ bit?”

“OK, fine. But, we are going to be up before 10. And, _you_ are paying for brunch.”

“Brunch?”

“Yes. It’ll be too late for breakfast, and too early for lunch. So, brunch.”

“Jeez, you’re adorable.” He tickles the smaller one, and starts kissing his neck, as the other giggles and keeps telling him to stop.

As they settle down, he holds the other man in his arms from behind. He nuzzles his face into the others' neck.

“When you said last night both not getting hurt . . . or uncomfortable . . . “

“You know you have absolutely no right to make fun of me for being a virgin when you were the slutty virgin that was face down, ass up, ready for pound town, right?”

“Whatever.” He smiled to himself as the other one giggled.

As he fell into the temptation of sleep, he felt his eyes slightly water.  
It was so illogical. But, was he ever a person that lived based off of logic?  
He silently promised himself to do anything for this man in his arms.

Anything to protect him. Anything he says.

Whether it was paying for brunch, perfecting his imitation of Animal.

Anything for this man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers:  
> [Yes, Richie does perfect his imitation of Animal.](https://youtu.be/kZGUk0V6GO0) ✨
> 
> Anyways, hello all! And, sorry for the wait!  
> The smut kept growing and growing, and I had to cut out the plot for the next chapter.  
> So, if you were waiting for plot, even more, sorry!
> 
> Although I have been lurking in this fandom for months, this is my first fic of the fandom. So, I'm a bit worried, tbh!  
> Please let me know your thoughts in the comments!


	3. 25 December, 2000

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Plot, angst, and littering.

It was really uncanny how identical Myra looked like his mother. Yes, they were related. But, they were 2nd-half cousins. They shared the same great-grandmother, but his grandmother was the daughter from the 1st marriage, born right before his great-grandfather passed, and Myra’s grandmother was the daughter from their great-grandmother’s 2nd marriage. There was so little blood shared, but it seemed their great-grandmother’s genetics were strong.  
Being the only relatives close in age, they were forced to play together during family get-together's, but Myra was really the only thing he looked forward to about those Christmas' and Thanksgivings spent away from his hometown.

Maybe that was why those were his only memories from his childhood? 

He remembers loving her from a young age; like an older sister he trusted her. That was maybe the reason why he does remember distinctly that she was the only person he had come out to at a young age.  
They were an age old enough to know Santa wasn’t real, but not old enough to be allowed to stay up late. He thinks he might’ve had a cast on his arm, but for the life of him couldn’t remember why.  
He had bravely stolen two cups of hot chocolate and snuck into her room. 

“Myra, I have a really big secret. You have to promise me you won’t tell anyone. Not even your best friends at school. Definitely your mom or my mom. Don’t you dare even think about telling anyone, got it?”

“Yes, don’t worry.” She giggled.

To this day he still remembers how dry his throat felt when he took a deep breath that moment.

“Myra, I like boys. Well, I like this one boy in particular right now. I have never really liked a girl, and I think I never will romantically, in the future too. I know I won’t. I know that I will only like guys. Romantically. I think. I think-”  
He also remembers the soft smile she gave him.

“Don’t worry. We are very similar, so I promise that I will never tell a soul.”

“What do you mean.”  
She put down her mug, and looked deep into it, as if it had all the answers.

“I don’t like guys. Actually, I don’t even like girls either, I don’t feel any _pull_ to anyone. I feel love towards people, you, my parents, granny, my friends- but . . . not the feelings people describe when they talk about their girlfriend or boyfriend. Wanting to kiss someone, I don’t feel that”

“Maybe, you haven’t met the right person?”

She shook her head.

“Do you think you haven’t met the right girl?”  
He fell silent. Wanted to defend what he had just said, but also wanted to say how sorry he was. He bit his lips. He understood how she felt; it wasn’t that he hadn't met the ‘right girl’, he knew that he would never feel that way for a woman.

“I’ve done some reading, and I figured out that I’m something that’s called asexual? Or, um, Aromantic? Yes . . .” She took a sip and grinned. “Which is terrible, with how much mom is always talking about how she looks forward to marrying me off to the ‘right man’.”

“Then-” quickly he put down their mugs onto her bedside table. “Then, one day, we should get married.”

“Huh?”  
He grabbed her hands. He thinks he remembers this being the second bravest thing he had ever done in his childhood. Not remembering where this bravery came from, or what the most bravest thing he did was, but the bravery was there.

“Your mother wants you to get married one day, right? My mother will kill me if I’m with the person who I love. I know it. But if we stick together, we can live through this together.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course!”

“But-”

“Let’s get married when we grow up!”

“You-you’d do that for me?”

“It’s really for the both of us.” He smiled sadly. “It’s not like it’s legal for two guys to get married, anyways.”

  
  
  
  


25 2000 December 

Next month would be their 3rd year anniversary of being ‘together’.  
However, last year and the year before they had not celebrated it. Neither had they celebrated each others' birthdays.

It seemed to be one of their many unspoken rules.

He was starting to become semi-famous around the town at bars, cafes, and comedy clubs. Especially this past year he had even booked some bigger shows. He hopes that many of these people in the New York comedy circles would be accepting if he were to come out. It wasn’t that middle-of-nowhere town he grew up in right? Yet, he didn’t want anything jeopardizing his chances.  
But in reality, it wasn’t really him that needed to do the hiding.  
The brunch they had shared together the morning after their first night was their first and last time they had ever eaten out together.  
As the school semester started, it seemed the bold and brave man that had flirted at him that night had disappeared. Although they were apparently far away from his school, he was always looking over his shoulder. So, soon the taller man stopped asking the other to meet him outside of his apartment.  
They tried to keep it safe and simple, even back when they both couldn’t afford cell phones.  
Every time the smaller one found out when his mother was visiting next, he would let him know and he’d make sure never to call during that time. It was unfortunately a high pace of 1 week per 2 month after his first 6 months in New York. However, right after his mother would leave, the first thing that the smaller man would do every single time was jumping on the next train. He would almost be running by the time he saw the flicker of the bar’s green neon sign. Because his footsteps were loud, desperate, and fast, by the time he was in front of the wooden door, the taller man was already opening the door.  
In an instant they were inside, tumbling toward the bed, moaning into each others’ mouths about how they had missed the other.  
As tortuous as it was to not even be able to see the other for a week, he was secretly a little bit thankful. After being sexless for about a week, the post mom-visit sex was always amazing. 

But did it make up for all the holes they had in their relationship? Of course not.

Because, another unwritten rule they had seemed to have was to not reveal any information about themselves on purpose.

He knew they were the same age, but he only assumed that the other man’s birthday was around the start of November. He knew that when they had met he was going to a school at least 20 minutes away by subway, but never found out what major. He guessed that it had something to do with business or numbers, because now when he comes over after work, he was always wearing a sharp suit and hair styled, which the bigger man always enjoyed messing up during sex.  
It didn’t make things any better, but he took comfort in knowing that there were facts that he knew that only he knew. How the other man craves pulpless orange juice after sex, but always wants to drink orange juice with pulp for breakfast. Or how even in the coldest of seasons, the smaller man would always end up sockless while sleeping.

Yet, in the end it didn’t change the fact that they didn’t even know each others' names.

He needed to change all of this, he wanted to change it so badly.   
He looked around the room. Everything was almost packed up.   
He had already sent his luggage the other day. It would all be arriving even before he would fly out of New York. 

This was his last chance.

He looked down at the small box in his right hand and ran his thumb over the soft velvet material.  
One of the bartenders downstairs worked part time at a small jewelry shop down the street. He really could’ve just gone to any jewelry shop himself, but every time he tried he had always chickened out. He was embarrassed at how scared he was. So, when he had asked the bartender he promised himself that this would be the last cowardly thing he would do.   
He wanted to change everything, so he needed to be brave.

  
  


After one knock the door was pulled open.

“Hey-”  
His voice got stuck in his throat.  
Hair combed and styled, clean shaved. An obviously recently washed and ironed buttoned down shirt, maybe even dry-cleaned? It hugged the larger man’s broad shoulders and thick arms like a glove. He tried to not let his eyes wander to see the chest hair that peeked out because of the extra button that was left open. 

“You’re right on time, Eds.” He felt his heart skip a beat from the warm smile that the taller man had. “C’mon in.”  
He silently followed him in, trying to regain his voice.  
Yes, the other man was his type down to a T. But seeing him obviously making an effort to look nice, he felt embarrassed at how easily his cock was influenced by this.  
He was slightly taken aback by the state of the room as he entered it. The room was clean, there was a tablecloth covering the dining table, and most lights were off. The brightest light in the room seemed to be the candles atop the dining table.

“What’s the occasion?” 

“Well, you always complain that we’re always eating delivery pizza or whatever I have in the freezer so-” He had picked up two plates of spaghetti and meatballs from the tiny kitchen. “I tried to cook us some real food for once.”

“I’m just worried about all the unhealthy chemicals in those frozen foods! Not to mention all the pizza delivery places in the area, have you seen how unsanitary they are? And, don’t forget-”  
He was silenced by a quick peck on the lips.

“I know, I know. That’s why I got this ready, OK?”

“But, how am I supposed to be sure that that’s gonna be any better than-”

“Don’t worry, I didn’t use canned tomatoes, I made the tomato sauce from _actual_ tomatoes, and made the meatballs from scratch too.” The other man stated proudly, placing the plates onto the table.

“Oh . . .” He bit his lower lips, feeling his face slowly turn red. “Thanks . . .”

“Anything for you, Eds.” Long thick fingers combed through his hairs, pulling him into a gentle kiss. He could taste breath mints, but a hint of tomato as well. He also felt any lingering piece of anxiety melt away.   
The spaghetti was delicious, it tasted like coming home. He found out that, even though the meatball recipe was from a cookbook he borrowed from Matty, the sauce recipe was something that he had apparently learned from his mother when he was younger.

“Why is this the first time you’re feeding me this? Actually, why is this like the first time I’ve seen you cook?”

“I know it’s really good, but it takes forever to make. So, not gonna want to make this every fucking day.” He shrugs.

“Well, then learn simpler foods to cook! You can’t live off of frozen foods, delivery pizza, _and this_ for the rest of your life.”

“Yeah, yeah. Got it, mom.” There was only a bit of playful annoyance in his voice.

“Fuck you.” He called back with no spite in his voice.  
Sipping on the wine that taller man had ‘not stolen’ from the bar, they sat in comfortable silence. He grinned as the taller man intertwined his fingers with his.

“So. . . There’s something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh! Actually, I do too.”  
He was feeling excited. He had been thinking about it all week. First he was so pissed at the situation, but after thinking it through and discussing things with Myra he knew this would be the best route for them.

“Uh. Ok.” The taller man looked confused. “I guess, you go first, then?”

“Thanks?”  
A little worried, he pulled his hand away and rummaged his work bag to take out a white envelope.   
He took a deep breath.

“Would you be my Best Man at my wedding ceremony?”

“What?” The other man’s voice dropped.

“I know it’s sudden! Actually, Myra and I just found out about it last week. Her mom and my mom had already planned the wedding! They set the date, the venue too-”

“ _Your_ wedding?”

“Yes.”

“How can I be your Best Man? When I’m your-” he motioned to himself. “You know?”

“That’s why it’ll be perfect! My mom will meet you, my coworkers will meet you. You will be known as my _best friend_. No one will question us spending time together! It wouldn’t be weird if we were seen together! If we take a dude-day together, I dunno, go golfing together? No one will bat an eye!”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You’ll be married! I. . . I’ll be the ‘ _Other Women_ ’.”  
He stated, making quotation marks with his fingers.

“No you won’t! You _are_ the one I want to be with!” He clenched his fist, feeling his stomach twist. “I want to be with you, and this is the _best way_ for us!”

“Eds-” 

“It’ll be at the start of March next year. Our parents’ had planned it so suddenly, they had reserved the chapel on the first available day? Or, I guess the first available but affordable day. I mean, it’s a fucking Wednesday!” He forced a laugh, trying to break the tense air between them.   
He waited for a beat. Waited for the other to say anything.  
“You’ll be free right? Wednesday, March the 7th? Should be a slow day at most comedy clubs . . right?”

The taller one silently stood up, turning the other way, he took his own plate to the sink. 

“Sorry Eds. I really can’t.” There was a pinch of sternness in his voice.

“Why not?”

“I’m definitely not available that day. And, won’t be available from tomorrow on, actually.”

“‘Chee . . .? What do you-” He quickly walked over to the taller one, hesitating to hold the other man’s arms. 

“Today’s actually my last night in New York.”

“You’re going on one of those long comedy tours? W-when are you coming back?”  
He heard his own voice tremble.  
The taller man turned around to face him, looking at him with a gentle smile.

“I’m moving to L.A., Eds. A pretty big management company picked me up. They already booked me a few shows and one TV appearance, too.”

“Oh. . . C-congratulations. . .”  
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

“Thanks.”  
The taller man looked away.

“When . . . When you come visit New York? Or, When I, maybe, go on business trips-”

“No, Eds-” He felt his chest constricting. “I can’t.”

He had it almost all planned out. He was looking at nice vacation destinations for the honeymoon. He was debating between reserving a honeymoon suite with multiple rooms or to simply reserve two rooms, one for Myra and one for them. Although he hated flying for more than 3 hours, he thought that maybe somewhere in Europe? Somewhere where no one would know them, somewhere that no one will bat an eye seeing two men walking together, holding hands.  
He was also looking into timeshares and vacation homes. With their parents paying for the wedding and even talking about paying for their newlywed home, he would be saving so much money. Enough money to find a place for them. Maybe in the countryside? They could spend weekends alone together, maybe even entire vacations alone together.

It was all slowly crumbling in front of his eyes.

“Why . . . Why not? Nothing’ll really be different to how it is now? Only, we won’t get to see each other this often. It’s not like-” He desperately tried to not let go. “Like how it is now, it won’t be cheating-”

“It’ll be totally different. Up until now, she was just your best friend who you tell everyone is your girlfriend. Now, it’ll just be you cheating on your wife.“  
He could not find a valid answer, a valid response. He fell silent.

“Yeah, so, I guess this is goodbye. . .”  
Not looking back the other man started to walk toward the bathroom.

As he heard the sink water running, he couldn’t move. He knew that he should, maybe start putting on his jacket, pick up things that he had left around the room over the years. Yet he could not move, as if his feet were nailed to the floor.

  
  


He took the small box out of his pocket, and almost slammed it against the wall. Hands trembling, he silently put it on the counter top.  
Washing his face, he looked at himself in the mirror.

Pathetic.

Hair styled using hair care products he had borrowed from one of the bar’s regulars. New shirt that he had gone out and bought the day before, the most money he had spent his entire life on a single article of clothing.  
In the mirror was a pathetic tryhard that so easily failed.   
He wanted to wait in the bathroom, wait until he would hear the sound of the front door open and closing, alerting him that the other man had left.  
But, no. He wanted so much to be with the smaller man for as much time as he was allowed to. He knew it would hurt. Even if it would be one more minute or the 12 more hours he had until his flight, he wanted to take whatever he was allowed to receive.

He stepped back out of the bathroom and saw the other man standing in the same position he had left him.  
He usually could read the other man’s expression like a book, but suddenly he couldn’t. 

He stepped closer.

“If this is our last night together, then . . . um, one for the road? One last time?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

The touch of the others' finger’s against his chest was so calming, and the taste of the other man’s sweat was so addicting. With no hassle and practiced smoothness they were on his bed, mostly naked, in a blink of the eye.  
He closed his eyes to savor the weight of the smaller man on top of him. He did his best to not make a sound, wanting to hear the others' voice as much as possible. He wanted to keep everything burned into his brain, whatever he could remember of the other man.

“Eds. . .” He could almost feel the burning of his eyes, two seconds away from tears. “Turn around-” He cleared his throat. “Let’s try something different.”

As much as he wanted to so badly continue to be face to face, he wanted to avoid showing his emotions at all cost.

“Lift your hips a- Yeah, that’s it, baby.” Slicking his fingers, he started to circle the shorter man’s entrance. Feeling it slightly loose and a trace of lube, he let his head fall forward and onto the other man's back. As much as he knew the other man would be ready as always, the other man knew he would want sex as always. He slid his pointer finger in, feeling the too familiar warmth clenching around his finger, he closed his eyes. He tried not to make a sound as he felt his tears drip onto his fingers and naked thighs.

If they had met in different circumstances, would things have been different?

“Oh- . . . God, yes-”  
It was so easy to add a second finger, then a third. 

Maybe if he had made things clearer from the start, or maybe actually put a name onto their relationship. 

“Yes, mmmmm . . . ‘Chee-” 

Maybe if he would’ve properly introduced himself from the very start things would’ve been different.

Even if this was their first time in this position, nothing felt fresh. Everything was too familiar. The sweet cries of the other man, the heat that engulfed his cock, the weight that landed on his thighs as the other man slammed down. It all didn’t help the sensation of something clawing at the inside of him.  
He only breathed, making sure to not let out a moan. He knew that any sound out of him may betray him. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from holding on tight, keeping his fingers firmly grasping onto the shorter man’s skin. Maybe even wishing that his skin would be able to mark the other man’s skin forever.

  
  


The sun hadn’t even started to peak out yet, but he was already awake. He doesn’t think he had fallen asleep in the first place. The strong grip of the other man was so comforting, holding him so close, a place he wanted to stay forever.  
He tried to pull himself away, but froze as he felt the bigger man snuggle closer.

Making sure that he was the only one awake, he took a deep breath and started to slowly pull himself away.

He felt the other man mumble against his neck, too soft it was hardly audible.

Trying not to make any noises, he slid off the bed and walked around the room to collect his clothes. He was as quick as possible. All that was left to do was pick up what he had left in the bathroom over the years.  
The city lights had filled the bathroom with enough light that he could see.  
He didn’t need to open the cabinet; already on the counter top was a paper bag filled with his bottles of skincare and dental care products. But, he opened it anyway.

The only bottles left were a mostly full bottle of Eternity for Men and a mostly empty bottle of Outremer The Tea. He couldn’t help reaching for the emptier bottle. Although a bit hesitant, he takes it and puts it into the paper bag.

As he was about to step out of the tiny bathroom, he noticed a small velvet box. 

Knowing he has no business to, curiosity gets the better of him.

  
  


He handed the keys over and gave the bar owner a hug before walking silently toward the subway. There was still a few hours to kill, but he didn’t want to be in that room for any longer.

Without thinking, he rode the subway and ended up at the feet of the Brooklyn bridge. In the coldness of the winter’s morning, he was the only one at the shore.   
He put his bag down, and clumsily sat on the ground. He wasn’t hungry, but simply felt empty. It felt as if the nonexistent waves could easily engulf him and suck him away. Hearing the sounds of the water, he even started to wish for that.   
It was uncomfortable to sit for too long, so he dug out the hard objects in his pockets that had caused discomfort.

In his hands was his cellphone and a small box.

He let his finger graze the velvet material. He could feel a slight dent. He shouldn’t have carried it around in his pocket. At least it wasn't scratched and nicked as his cellphone was.   
He couldn’t help himself from tightening his grip on both of them.   
Without thinking and almost screaming, he threw one into the water.   
Looking down at his trembling hands, all that was left was the small velvet box.

He laughed and laughed as the tears started to come back to him.

As he opened the box, his glasses had fogged up, but he could still make out the shape of the plastic key chain and the key it was latched onto. It was a hideously colored key-chain, like a unicorn had thrown up on it, but it was distinctly the shape of three capital letters. An E, D, and an S.

He held onto it tightly, now his entire body trembling. He willed himself to lift his arm again, to throw it into the water. Wanting so much to let it go, let it sink. Wishing that it could disappear into the depths of the waters, even being sucked down the drains, into the sewerage. 

  
  
  
  


27 2003 February 

As he steps through the door he feels his heart beat faster before his mind catches on.

There was nothing unusual about the site in front of him, really.  
Just like any weekday night, Myra was on the couch of the living room laughing at whatever terrible comedy program that was on cable. Her hair slightly wet from the shower she had just taken, wearing her pajamas, her hospital scrubs probably already in the washing machine.

“Oh. Welcome home!”  
Before he could answer, his feet were already taking him toward the TV.   
He doesn’t know if he had run there or had simply walked, but before he knew it he was on his knees, clutching at the TV screen.

The booming voice that seemed to have been the only voice to have ever make him genuinely laugh.  
The slightly crooked smile that never failed to warm his heart.  
Those beautiful eyes he always longed to stay on him forever.

His body started to tremble, and soon his vision became hazy.

“. . . Dear?”  
He answers with a sound that was a hybrid of a gasp and a whine.  
She quickly kneels next to him and tries to hold him.

“Oh, my goodness! What’s wrong??”  
He felt physically warm in her embrace. Her hugs had always comforted him over the years; throughout all the crap they had to go through because of his mother, her mother, school, their jobs. But, it seemed that the first time in his adulthood her warm hug was not enough.

“I . . . I m-made the b-biggest mis. . .mistake . . .” His whole body trembled in her arms.

“No . . .No . . . Don’t cry honey.” She tried to comfort him, stroking his back slowly.

“I sh-shouldn’t have . . . I had to . . .Why . . .” He clutched onto her shirt, buried his face into her shoulders. “W-why did I let him go?” 

It finally dawns on him what the other man had mouthed against his neck as he had silently left the bed that final night.

_I love you, Eds._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Happy New Year!  
> And, apologize for the wait!!  
> I was going to cut it up like I did for the first 2 chapters, but I honestly couldn't figure out where to cut it, so it just became a really long chapter!  
> Another reason this was late was . . . I was coming up with ideas about one shots in the same AU. Like, what had happened between chapter 2 and 3. So, you may see those popping up before the next chapter? Maybe? Would anyone be interested in that sort of thing in the first place?
> 
> Also!  
> [I recently made a new English twitter account for English fandoms and fanfics!](https://twitter.com/kiokio81361644)  
> Come talk to me! Like seriously, I am lonely, and in need people to fangasm with. (´・ω・`)ﾉ
> 
> And, remember kids, don't litter! Don't throw your phones into lakes or oceans!


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